Poo~Pourri

Frequently Asked Q's About Poo

{ GENERAL POO } Poo~Pourri and its ingredients

Q: I just used Poo~Pourri for the first time, and my poopin’ life has forever been changed. I want to shake hands with the smarty-pants who invented it—after I wash them, of course. Who on Earth thought of this stuff?!

A: As legend has it, Poo~Pourri was created by a magical fairy named Stinkerbell in an enchanted world far, far away. As truth has it, Poo~Pourri was invented by a stink-hatin’ gal named Suzy Batiz in a smelly bathroom near Dallas, Texas. To see the story of Poo in less than 90 seconds, give this video a looksee!

Q: Toilets have feelings too, you know. Before I go carelessly spritzing, is Poo~Pourri safe for my toilet, septic tank and plumbing system?

A: Don’t you worry—your beloved loo is safe with us. Poo~Pourri is made of essential oils and other natural compounds and is no worse for your waste water system than natural shampoos and conditioners. Think of all the awful bleach and harsh chemicals other folks flush down their precious potties, yuck! And Poo~Pourri will not leave a residue in the bowl. In fact, Poo~Pourri contains many of the same elements found in natural household cleaners. Your toilet may even thank you with a “flush yeah!”

Q: A trustworthy friend swore to me that Poo~Pourri is made of 4 parts Atlantis salt water, 2 parts Bermuda Triangle air, and 1 part unicorn pee. Is that true, or do I need a new friend?

A: Do you smell that? It’s your friend’s pants on fire. Though its powers may seem magical, Poo~Pourri is the real, stink-fightin’ deal.  It’s made of essential oils and other natural compounds. NO Harsh Chemicals NO Parabens NO Phthalates NO Aerosol NO Formaldehyde NO Petroleum Distillates NO Ethanol NO Benzene ALL Stink-Fightin’ Good Stuff

 Q: All of the Poo~Pourri scents sound delicious, can I drink them?

A: Umm, no… weirdo. If you or a lil’ stinker accidentally—or purposefully—ingest Poo~Pourri, please call ChemTel at 800-255-3924 (or +01-813-248-0585). If you get Poo~Pourri on your skin and have an allergic reaction to its natural oils, please call ChemTel.

{ HOW TO POO } how the heck to use Poo~Pourri

Q: You say using Poo~Pourri is “as easy as 1, 2, Spritz & Poo!” I’ve definitely got step 2 down, but I’ve never spritzed before. I’m scared and I don’t want to let you down. Can you help a pooper out and tell me how to use this awesome stuff?!

A: Patience, young grasspooper. You will master the art of spritzing in no time. Let’s walk through this together, step by stinkin’ step: (1) Grab your bottle Poo~Pourri, and shake it like a salt shaka’ (2) Lift the toilet lid (3) Spritz 4-6 sprays of Poo~Pourri into the toilet bowl onto the water's surface (4) Take a seat, lock and load (5) Poo (6) Flush (7) Tell us what you think!   facebook  |  twitter  |  youtube  |  instagram  |  pinterest 

Q: Yeah, but does Poo~Pourri work on farts n’ floaters?

A: Abso-toot-ly! Just in case you’re eating breakfast right now (mmm, bacon), we won’t get too graphic. As floaters penetrate the film, they’re coated with Poo~Pourri, stopping their air assault before it begins. For toot protection, we suggest you lightly spritz a spray of Poo~Pourri into the air.

Q: I can’t tell if the size of your bottles are King Kong tall or Ping-Pong small. How big are the Poo~Pourri bottles and how long will they last?

A: How long Poo~Pourri lasts depends on how often ya poop! Here is a size guide to help you spritz wherever you go: 41mL bottle = 50 uses = perfect for your purse and travel 59mL bottle = 100 uses = perfect for your office desk or a gift 118mL bottle = 200 uses = ideal for your favorite scent or your home bathroom 236mL bottle = 400 uses = great for high traffic bathrooms

 

{ GUARANTEED POO } why we promise Poo~Pourri works 

Q: How much are you paying all these people that shout from the rooftops how amazing Poo~Pourri is? Either you guys are loaded, or this product really works. So which is it, Poo~Pourri (if that’s even your real name)?

A: Paying for relationships is illegal in most states, and we’re not into that sort of thing. The love of our Poo fanatics is consensual, we swear. With every bottle sold, we strive for 100% customer satisfaction. If Poo~Pourri doesn’t completely stop your stench from spreading, send it back for a full refund—our unconditional stink-free guarantee.

 Q: Poo~Pourri didn’t stop my husband’s stench from spreadin’. I want my money back, and I want it back NOW!

A: One, I don’t appreciate your sass. And two, just send the bottle back to us, along with a stool sample for research and development (jk), and we’ll refund your order. And what the flush do you feed that hunger buster?!

 

{ MORE THAN POO } a stink stoppin’ company

Q: The only smell worse than human poo is cat poo… can I use Poo~Pourri in my cat's litter box?

A: As animal owners ourselves, we feel ya. The stinky litter box struggle is very real. However, due to citrus sensitivities in cats (our products are citrus natural essential oils based), we encourage that you do NOT spray Poo~Pourri into your cat's litter box. It actually may deter them from using it—no bueno.

{ OOPSIE POO } website issues or product problems

Q: My darn-tootin’ bottle of Poo~Pourri ain’t actin’ right! It stopped working. What the heck?

A: Well shucks! First, try twisting the sprayer so that the dip tube is aligned with the little bit of product remaining—that'll allow you to get every last drop. If that's not the problem, give us a call or email us at pierre@fmcg1.co.za. We’ll put our top Poo detectives to work and figure out where the cart fell off the horse (AKA someone’s getting fired).

{ RANDOM POO } miscellaneous Qs for your POOs

Q: I’m scared of the internet and want to purchase Poo~Pourri from a human. Where can I buy Poo~Pourri at a store near me?

A: We get it, the internet can be a very scary place—you're always one wrong click away from things you can't unsee. To purchase from a real-life human, you can find us at select Clicks stores, takealot.com and more! TIP: if you're looking for a specific scent, give the store a call before you head there to ensure they carry it and have it in stock.

Q: Is Poo~Pourri tested on animals?

A: Heck no! We love earth's furry friends. In fact, you'll usually find 1 or 2 (or 10) roaming the Poo office on any given day. We do NOT test our products on animals, only on stinky humans.

Q: I’m a feast-eatin’ fella and I actually enjoy my own scent. So get up off me, Poo~Pourri!

A: Well, maybe your significant other or coworkers DON'T. Don’t be selfish, mister. Think before you stink. I will leave you with this quote from an ancient philosopher whose name we cannot spell nor pronounce: “You shouldn’t punish others for your own choices.”

Q: Poo~Pourri, I think I’m in love with you. I wrote you a poem.
“You’re with me at my worst, I take you to every location. You make me smell my best, In any stinkin’ situation.”

A: We love you, too! But we’re just not in love with you…

Q: How do you come up with your redonkulous product names and pooetry? Do you guys just sit around and make poop jokes all day?

A: Here’s a Poo riddle: What’s the best job in the world and the crappiest job in the world, all at the same time? Yep, you guessed it, you whipper snapper, you. Working for Poo~Pourri means not taking life too seriously, having poo on the brain 24/7, and always giggling at the word “duty.” Always. In a word, our jobs are the sh*t.